his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
