Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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