i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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