The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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