Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
