nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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