Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
