i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
