she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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