I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
