is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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