duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize