So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
