So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
