I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i came on her dog
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
