I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
