I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
