i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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