I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
