I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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