it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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