I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
