Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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