I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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