Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
