Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's never too late to be topless.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
