Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
