I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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