You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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