i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
