its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My vagina is officially offended.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
