i think my mom watched the whole time
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
