And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
