We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
