Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
