Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
