there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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