East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
