She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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