you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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