She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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