dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
