How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
