We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
