I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize