Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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