I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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