I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
