in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
