When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
