I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
