No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
