I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
