Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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