In the future we'll all be gay
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
