You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
