Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
