So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
