I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
