Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
