And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
