I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
