Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
