Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize