I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
