she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
