just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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