You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
its liver damage thursday
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