i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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