dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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