I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
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Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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