Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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