im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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