he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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