My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There r osticjed everywhere
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
