you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
