Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
