Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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