what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
