I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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