So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A+ Viking dick
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
