he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
