So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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