that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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