You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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