yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
